December 12, 2011

Thank you to all of my new followers, and for all of your very sweet comments!! Forgive my absence over the weekend, it was a party filled one. Unfortunately, I don't factor alcohol into my calorie counting, but i NEVER drink beer. But since I haven't been eating a lot lately (not much more than 500 or 600 calories a day... which is still awful, but wayy better than the 2,000+ I've been consuming daily for the past year basically), it doesn't take a whole lot of alcohol to get me drunk.
Well, I've already around 300 calories today, but we'll round it up to 350 just to be safe - I'd rather be a little under than a little over, if that makes sense. I really don't want to eat anymore today. I don't know how to stay strong though unless I am avidly thinking about all the reasons I need to be thin, so I suppose that's what I should do.
I want this so bad.

Risky Business

I know it's weird to put pictures up on such a private type of blog, but I don't have much to fear. Here's who you are dealing with. 

I've done ballet my entire life, so my boyfriend (who is a photographer) jumped at the chance to take the photos in October. Excuse my chubbb !

And this is the two of us at a club event last week. Isn't he just the most handsome man in the world?!

Well, now you can put a face to the name. 

I always like blogs better when I know what people look like for some reason

xx

Currently, December 9th

Adoring: The 8 ft. tall Christmas tree my mom and I put up and decorated this week. It makes our little cottage on the lake into a Winter Wonderland

Craving: A grande Americano (black), from Starbucks

Enjoying: The tranquility I feel when I'm at home alone looking out at the lake, a cigarette in hand

Feeling: Motivated. Cheers to that

Hearing: Dustin O'Halloran - Opus 23

Hoping: This blog will bring me the kind of inspiration I need to get thin, and that it will do the same for you

Missing: My body senior year of high school when I actually kept up with the ABC Diet and got to 104 lbs

Reading: E.E. Cummings poems

Seeing: Christmas decorations and my freshly painted toenails

Wearing: Nothing ;)

Wishing: I WILL HAVE THE STRENGTH TO REACH MY GOALS

Wondering: How long it will take me to make this lifestyle change

The Beginning of the Rest of My Life

I'm one of those girls. I'm that girl that stays up late at night writer bigger and better plans for herself. I was born blessed with so much: a loving family, a well-off household, a pretty face, talents. It's just not enough though. At some point, I have just recently realized, you have to let go of your childish ways, and become a woman. By "childish ways", I suppose I'm referring to enjoying life just merely in the moment and not thinking of the consequences it will have on you.
I ate like 6 Oreos today among other things. So now, late at night, I sit here writing in my journal about how much I long to be the skinny girl I was two years ago when I fully commit myself to the ABC Diet for 50 days. It was the best I've ever looked, and to be honest, the best I ever felt too.
But once you reach that happy point, you become comfortable. Getting comfortable in any aspect of your life is the most dangerous thing of all. You don't feel as though you have to try anymore. Two years ago, I was 104 pounds and felt beautiful the way I always wanted to. I've gotten so comfortable i've gained 13 pounds since then.
I dream of a better tomorrow, where my sense will overpower my want for food like it did 2 years ago. I truly need support from my followers. My blog 2 years ago reached 90 followers, and it was because of them, that I was able to reach my goal. So I beg of you, please follow me and keep me motivated, and I will promise to do the same.